I am sitting at home, watching tv.
This is not something I normally do. Firstly, in the mornings, I am ALWAYS working out. However, it has been two weeks and 1 day since my surgery and I am not yet allowed to work out. Secondly, although the boobs are doing fine, I have gotten a heat rash from being sick and having a fever while also having to wear a tight and stifling sports bra 24/7. As a result my back is covered in a horrible, itchy, painful blistery rash. And of course, I still have a bit of a cold so I am snotting/sneezing on everyone and everything. So Ken got the kids ready and fed and to school today (hairdos and teeth brushing are probably negligible) and I am laying low.
Watching “It’s Complicated” starring Alec Baldwin and Meryl Streep (and Steve Martin), I am reminded that Alec is a very hairy man. Like, really hairy. That’s not a bad thing….it’s just something I happen to notice. But this movie is making me think about something else too.
A married couple spends 20 years together, then gets a divorce. After ten years apart they sort of rediscover each other and begin a short affair. It is honest, tough, and also a little bit sad. But the movie is really funny and has some great acting. But what I LOVE watching in it is the dynamic between the parents and their adult children. And it keeps making me reflect on my kiddos.
I just gave birth yesterday.
That’s what it feels like, you know??? I remember every moment, every detail (much to Ken’s chagrin…) and I can see Hadley’s little face and smell his sweet scent from his first day on earth like it was yesterday. Literally. I miss those days, desperately. And yet….I relish the now. And I cherish what WILL be.
Watching these actors and their conversations….I think of my kids. I think of how quickly they are growing up. I think of them as individuals. As people. As their own. I adore my kids. And sure, they share some traits with me and Ken and other family….but they are their OWN people. And although i do not want time to speed up and I don’t want to miss a thing….the idea of speaking and living and sharing with my kids as adults gives me a crazy thrill. I want to hear about their lives. Walk next to them, not just ahead of them. See it all unfold and be there, listening. I want to laugh with them over grown up things that are sarcastic and inappropriate. I want to debate with them and be challenged by them and yes, even grow and learn from them. Does this even make sense?? I don’t know if it does make sense or not…but it is how I feel, right now, and so that is what I write.