Yes, I gave a disclaimer in the title, so be warned. Should you comment or message me as though I am being serious, prepare to be cyber mocked, although there is actual truth behind each statement….not gonna lie…
1.) All yogurt should be mixed already. I really have no concept why, in today’s day and age of phones that transcribe your voice and recognize your fingerprint, there are any stir-it-yourself yogurts STILL on the market. It is an unpleasant surprise to open a new container of a greek yogurt with a name I can not pronounce properly, only to discover I have to actually put forth the effort of stirring it myself.
2.) After running 4 miles, it is counter productive to have a body that then craves chocolate chip cookies. Specifically, an entire batch of the homemade ones. Or maybe even worse, an entire vat of sausage biscuits and gravy.
3.) When you have breakfast at a nice restaurant (as opposed to breakfast in a diner), it is INSANE they they don’t carry Aunt Jemima or Mrs (Miss? Ms??) Butterworth’s. Home made maple syrup only. WHAT?? Not ALL of us like the real, homemade maple syrup. It is gross. I literally can’t stand it. But I find that it is discriminatory that the fine breakfast establishments think they are too good for normal syrup. They look down their noses at Aunt Jemima. Aunt Jemima is the BEST people. The BEST!!!!! I won’t eat breakfast at those kinds of places. Nope. Not me.
4.) Silly putty. Just the sight of it angers me.
5.) Sharpies. I have 4,816 markers and crayons and colored pencils in my house. I hide the sharpies like they are osama bin laden. And yet, no matter how well hidden, the sharpies are what my vermin kids find and use to destroy something. (why did it take years to get osama, by the way?? someone should have gotten 300 toddlers together and shown a picture of the crazy terrorist, holding a super sized sharpie, and then released those kids into the desert and within an hour they would have had him pinned down, taken his sharpie and any other weapons of mass destruction from him. easy.)
6.) Would it be wrong, in today’s world, to develop one of those hamster water dispensing things for babies? You know, like, hang it in the crib and the kids, when they wake up at night, can just mosey over there and suck out some milk or whatever until they pass back out?? Marlowe waking 3 times a night for a new bottle is REALLY old. I am 40, people. And tired. I mean, kids can’t drink milk til they literally explode, like fish, can they? And on that note I always hear that…but has anyone ever actually seen a fish eat to death? Eat til he bursts? Yeah…hmm….this is suspect….
7.) Science projects are the devil. I stand by this, yet I am expected to sew together mentos, yes SEW them, to help my kid. Do you have any idea how hard it is to get the needle through that hard candy shell, solid center, back out through the shell, and then have the thread snap? Seriously? I LOVE being a mom, and would give my life for my kids if some armed attacker came in, like it osama had his peeps launch a counter attack because my kids busted him with that aforementioned sharpie. But I did NOT sign up to sew mentos. And no, they are SO not the freshmaker. They are the bleeping blister maker.